Tierce: Ooo, let’s go out for a walk!
Me: I don’t want to.
Tierce: But it’s sunny outside and there’s things to smell!
Me: Leave me alone.
Tierce: …
Tierce: I bet you want to. Look how bright it is out! And I want to see if the Labrador from down the street stopped by. Did you know that I can smell one part of urine in a million parts of-
Me: LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE YOU! I HATE LIFE! EVERYTHING FUCKING SUCKS, SO LEAVE ME ALONE!
Tierce: …
Tierce: [poke]
Me: I hate myself. I hate my life.
Tierce: I bet if you walk me, you’ll feel better. Well, I’ll feel better, but isn’t that the same thing?
Me: I’m a loser.
Tierce: LOOK! There he goes! Let’s go out so I can smell what he’s been up to!
Me: *sniff*
Me: I hate you.
Tierce: But you love walks, right?
Me: I hate walking you. I hate everything about it.
Tierce: But I’m really cute, right?
Tierce: [unbelievably cute look with the flattened ears and the wagging tail and the big eyes]
Me: Awww- WAIT, I FEEL MISERABLE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!
Tierce: I’m soooo cuuuutttteeee… and I wannagoforawalk. Walk me!
Me: I’m ugly and fat.
Tierce: Walk me and get thinner!
Me: I’m depressed.
Tierce: A brisk walk will make you happier!
Me: *sob*
Tierce: [poke]
Me: …go awayyy…
Tierce: I will when you walk me.
Me: FINE.
Tierce: Yay!
Me: Shut up!
***
Tierce: And here’s where that Labrador from down the street peed a half-hour ago. Whew; I don’t think they’re feeding her very well. That Lhasa apso mix next door, though, he got steak today. Why don’t I get steak? And there’s some mixed breed that came by. Doesn’t smell like someone local, but-
Me: You know, it’s nice and sunny out. I feel better.
Tierce: -better not come around my yard; I’ll make him regret it. Ooooh, that unspayed cocker spaniel was here… she’s something, for sure-
Me: I should have come out and gone for a walk earlier; maybe I would feel better if I got more sunlight.
Tierce: -oooh, a hamburger wrapper! There’s not much on it, though, more’s the pity. I think I smell that Springer from across the way, but she hasn’t been here recently-
Me: You know, I’m really glad to have you, Tierce. You made me get out and enjoy the day.
Tierce: -that Golden Retriever two houses up. Smells like she doesn’t have much time left. She must be, what. Fifteen? Sixteen? Oooh! A bug!
Me: Tierce?
Tierce: -got to get it, aaah, aaah, GOT YOU! Mmm… crunchy- ew, sour. Pah! Bleh!-
Me: TIERCE!
Tierce: What?
Me: I’m really glad to have you in my life.
Tierce: Of course you are.
