Me: Well, I’m home.
Tierce: That’s so awesome! Bring me anything?
Me: Hang on; I’ve got to get my stuff off.
Me: Okay, there we go. Hi, Tierce! How’s my ‘ittle puppy?
Tierce: Can I go outside?
Me: You’re not happy to see me? I’ve been gone for two days!
Tierce: Uh, yeah, well, the excitement has passed.
Me: Fine. Go outside.
Me: Wait… no. Don’t start chewing on that bone. I want you to go pee!
Tierce: I like the bone.
Me: NO. Go. Pee.
Tierce: *nibble, stare, nibble, stare*
Me: Okay, that’s it!
Tierce: Nyah, nyah, nyah! You can’t have this bone! Neener neener.
Me: Oh, it’s not the bone I want.
Tierce: You can’t fool me; it’s the bone you want and I know it!
Me: Tierce, I *gave* you that bone.
Tierce: And I’m keeping it.
Me: Fine! In the house!
Tierce: Okay, whatever you say.
Me: DON’T TAKE THE BONE INTO THE HOUSE.
Tierce: Look, I’m going into the house. Just like you said.
Me: DROP IT.
Tierce: See, I’m in the house.
Me: DROP THAT BONE!
Tierce: I did what you told me to; I’m in the house and you’re still yelling at me. You’re never happy are you?
Me: Drop that bone or I’m going to drop-kick both you and the bone out into the yard and watch you try to chew it while you’re still rooting around in your large colon for your teeth!
Tierce: Oh, if the SPCA could hear you now, Ms. I-Believe-In-Humane-Treatment-For-Animals! *drops bone*
Me: *kicking bone outside* I could find a better dog. A respectful dog.
Tierce: OH ARE YOU PLAYING SOCCER? CAN I PLAY? I’LL CATCH THE BONE! KICK IT TO ME!
Me: We are not playing soccer. It’s midnight, I work tomorrow, I have to catch up on Facebook and blog about your inhumane treatment of your owner.
Tierce: KICK THE BONE SO I MAY CHASE IT.
Me: No, we’re going to play “curl up on the couch and shut the hell up”.
Tierce: I don’t like that game right now. KICK THE BONE.
Me: *shuts and locks door*
Tierce: Okay, fine, you don’t want to play soccer with the bone. How about playing tug with my beefstick?
Tierce: Oh, let’s play with my toy hamster!
Hamster: Chirpedeewow! *electronic beeps, squeals, whistles*
Me: NO. *turns hamster off, puts in inaccessible location*
Tierce: My stuffed snowman?
Me: No! Go away! Chew on your beefstick!
Tierce: Oh, I know, you love playing with the Kong.
Me: Forget it!
Me: FML. *toss*