I’ve been working on NaNoWriMo for the past couple of weeks… here’s an excerpt:
Tierce: You know, if there are aliens watching us right now, they would figure that we ran things and you just follow us around with bags, saving our poop for some unknown purpose.
Me: It could be construed that way, but I think that in the general scheme of things, I’m betting that the aliens’ eyes will be elsewhere.
Tierce: I see aliens *every day*.
Me: No kidding.
Tierce: Like our neighbour.
Me: Which one?
Tierce: The one that has that sign out on the lawn.
Me: Oh, that one with the plumber’s business or something?
Me: Why is he an alien?
Tierce: I can’t believe this… you were there! I tried to warn you!
Me: *sigh* Kindly elaborate?
Tierce: Well, when we were walking a few months back, he had *put a sign out*. You can’t tell me that’s not seriously weird.
Me: Yep, that’s the sign of the Beast all right. Anything else?
Tierce: I’m getting to the good part. You know when we were walking last week?
Me: Uh, sure.
Tierce: Well I was just minding all the other dogs’ business when I looked over and he had moved it to a different place.
Me: Oh, I remember that time. When you started barking at the sign and wouldn’t stop until I dragged you into the house?
Tierce: Yeah, it was freaky.
Me: I would say ‘embarrassing’ is a more accurate term. Yes, ‘embarrassing’ covers it.
Tierce: I’m sure you’ll be embarrassed when the truth comes out!
Me: Well, so we have an alien on our block. Thanks for the info.
Tierce: Any time. It’s about time that you realized that I’m not making noise just for the hell of it.
Me: Why don’t you bark at the sign any more?
Tierce: Two reasons: you get annoyed and the sign isn’t alien anymore. I fixed it.
Me: How did you fix the sign?
Tierce: By peeing on it.
Me: You have magical piss? Hey, could you pee on this new truck over here?
Tierce: That’s not how it works! Once I pee on it, it’s mine.
Me: Oh, okay.
Tierce: Besides, I can’t drive.
Me: Duly noted. Well, thanks for the warning that wasn’t.
Tierce: I wasn’t finished! There are more.
Me: More what?
Me: More aliens? Do tell.
Tierce: For instance, those small people.
Me: Small people.
Tierce: Yeah, small people. They’re weird and I’m sure they’re from another planet.
Me: Wait, “small people”; you mean children?
Me: Children aren’t aliens… well, all children aren’t aliens. I’ve seen some pretty freaky kids, so you could be right about some of that.
Tierce: No, they’re all aliens.
Me: Is that why you bark at a lot of them?
Tierce: Someone has to take a stand.
Me: And yet when they come up to you, you like them.
Tierce: Well, I’m so awesome that when they come up to pet me, my aura changes them into humans.
Me: You don’t bark at Logan or Kim anymore.
Me: My friends’ grandkids.
Tierce: Oh, they stopped being aliens a long time ago. They’re real people now.
Me: Because of… you.
Tierce: Of course because of me. If it weren’t for me, those poor kids would have been aliens all their lives.
Me: Uh, sure. You know what?
Me: I think you have it backwards.
Tierce: How so?
Me: Well, every time *you* get used to something or someone, they’re not an alien anymore. It’s you who is changing; not them.
Tierce: Now who’s talking crazy? I’m the same as I ever was.