Toby visits for the weekend

Toby comes to visit

Me: Remember Toby? He’s Chris’ dog.

Tierce: Hell, yeah. He’s the Golden Retriever that I can beat up.

Me: He’s 75 pounds. He’ll eat you.

Tierce: Yeah. Whatever.

Me: Hey Toby!

Toby: HIHihi!

Tierce: I could totally take you.

Toby: Let’s play!

Tierce: GRAAAHRRR!

Toby: GRAAAHRRR!

Tierce & Toby: Growl, growl, growl, bite, bite, bite.

Me: So, how’s that bullying going?

Tierce: Mmmf.

Me: Can’t hear you.

Tierce: Mmmmf! e’z mffing uh mmm HEAhn!

Me: Speak up.

Toby: I think what he’s trying to say is that I’m sitting on his head.

Me: So you are. Look at that little bugger flail.

Tierce: Mmmf! MMMMF! EnnhHHh! -OFF OF ME!

Toby: Oh, there you are.

Tierce: GRAAAAHHHRRRRR!

Toby: You’re funny!

Tierce: I’m your ALPHA!

Toby: Let’s play!

Tierce: Let’s me dominate you!

Toby: Okay. I’m on my back now. Let’s play!

Tierce: No! We’re supposed to fight for supremacy!

Toby: Okay, I’ll get up.

Tierce: mmMMMMFFF!

Toby: Are we fighting for supremacy now?

Tierce: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFF!

Me: I think it would facilitate the bloody battle of ascension if you stopped lying on him.

Toby: Oh. Oh, yes. Yes, I suppose it would.

Tierce: MMMmffFFF-KILL YOU!

Toby: Okay, let’s fight to the death.

Tierce: YAY! GRAAAAHRRRYAAAAWWWWNN

Toby: Graaaahrrryawn?

Tierce: Never mind. Let’s- YAAAAWWWN. I’m tired.

Toby: Yeah, me too. Let’s nap and kill each other later.

Tierce: Fine by me. Hey, later I can show you how to jump off the couch and hit somebody in the crotch on your way down.

Toby: Cool! Then I can show you how to stick your head between someone’s legs so you trip them while they’re carrying food!

Tierce: Yay! Best friends forever!

Me: Now you’ll be begging me for sleepovers.

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The Misanthropic Shiba

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