The Vacuum

Tierce: What are you doing?

Me: Getting out the vacuum.

Tierce: It’s evil.

Me: It is not evil; it’s what stands in the way of your undercoat staging a coup of the entire house.

Tierce: It growls at me.

Me: *sigh* Sure. That’s because it hates you.

Tierce: See? It’s evil!

Me: Maybe it would be less evil if you stopped trying to bite it while I’m sucking all your hair out of the carpet.

Tierce: I keep trying to warn you about these things, but you never listen to me! It’s bad, I tell you.

Me: Ahuh [turns on vacuum]

Vacuum: Growl.

Tierce: Growl.

Vacuum: Just you wait… one day I’ll sneak up behind you and suck you right up!

Tierce: Just you try!

Me: Tierce! STOP biting the vacuum!

Tierce: But did you just hear what it said to me?

Me: No! Leave it!

Vacuum: Ha! Your human can’t understand my plan to dominate the entire world! Mwahahaha!

Tierce: You’ll never succeed! I’ll fight you until my dying-

Me: NO! Stop it! You wanna go into the pen?

Tierce: But…

Me: Leave it ALONE.

Vacuum: And then, when I’m done with you, I’m going to suck up all the pizza, all the cheese and all the hamburger…

Tierce: NoooOOOooo!

Me: That’s it! Pen!

Tierce: But-

Me: PEN!

Tierce: You don’t under-

Me: Fine! [picks Tierce up and deposits him in the pen] And you can just stay there until the cleaning’s done!

Vacuum: Mwahahaha…

Vacuum: Mwahahaha! Look at you! You’re in the pen! And look at me! Free to cause mass destruction!

Tierce: You’ll never get away with this!

Vacuum: Watch me.

Me: Is that a knock at the door?

Vacuum: Hehehe

Tierce: [jumps against pen and knocks the ends askew]

Tierce: Ha! I’m out!

Vacuum: So, we meet again!

Me: Guess there was no one at the door- aw, crap, how did you get out?

Tierce: I’m about to save you from certain death!

Me: We’ve had this discussion before. Get away from it!

Tierce: No, I can’t in all conscience let it do its devil’s work any longer!

Me: Good thing I’m pretty much done in here.

Vacuum: Now, know fear!

Tierce: Now, know pain!

Me: STOP IT! [turns off vacuum]

Tierce: I won’t let it threaten this house any longer!

Vacuum: Glarg.

Tierce: ha HA! I killed it!

Me: I just turned it off.

Tierce: You should be more careful with these things; you could have been seriously hurt. Good thing I was here.

Me: Uh, yeah, sure.

Tierce: So, now what are we doing? How about a walk to celebrate my victory?

Me: No, I still want to vacuum the stairs and the bedroom.

Tierce: What?

Vacuum: Growl.

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The Misanthropic Shiba

One Comment

  1. Tierce is a very intelligent being and should be commended for his ability recognize demonic spawns despite all human ignorance of such.

    Vacuum cleaners are beyond the work of the devil. They force our people into a form of indentured servitude that prevents them from giving attention to us.

    If we don’t care about the fur on the floor, why should you?

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