Tierce: What are you doing?
Me: Getting out the vacuum.
Tierce: It’s evil.
Me: It is not evil; it’s what stands in the way of your undercoat staging a coup of the entire house.
Tierce: It growls at me.
Me: *sigh* Sure. That’s because it hates you.
Tierce: See? It’s evil!
Me: Maybe it would be less evil if you stopped trying to bite it while I’m sucking all your hair out of the carpet.
Tierce: I keep trying to warn you about these things, but you never listen to me! It’s bad, I tell you.
Me: Ahuh [turns on vacuum]
Vacuum: Just you wait… one day I’ll sneak up behind you and suck you right up!
Tierce: Just you try!
Me: Tierce! STOP biting the vacuum!
Tierce: But did you just hear what it said to me?
Me: No! Leave it!
Vacuum: Ha! Your human can’t understand my plan to dominate the entire world! Mwahahaha!
Tierce: You’ll never succeed! I’ll fight you until my dying-
Me: NO! Stop it! You wanna go into the pen?
Me: Leave it ALONE.
Vacuum: And then, when I’m done with you, I’m going to suck up all the pizza, all the cheese and all the hamburger…
Me: That’s it! Pen!
Tierce: You don’t under-
Me: Fine! [picks Tierce up and deposits him in the pen] And you can just stay there until the cleaning’s done!
Vacuum: Mwahahaha! Look at you! You’re in the pen! And look at me! Free to cause mass destruction!
Tierce: You’ll never get away with this!
Vacuum: Watch me.
Me: Is that a knock at the door?
Tierce: [jumps against pen and knocks the ends askew]
Tierce: Ha! I’m out!
Vacuum: So, we meet again!
Me: Guess there was no one at the door- aw, crap, how did you get out?
Tierce: I’m about to save you from certain death!
Me: We’ve had this discussion before. Get away from it!
Tierce: No, I can’t in all conscience let it do its devil’s work any longer!
Me: Good thing I’m pretty much done in here.
Vacuum: Now, know fear!
Tierce: Now, know pain!
Me: STOP IT! [turns off vacuum]
Tierce: I won’t let it threaten this house any longer!
Tierce: ha HA! I killed it!
Me: I just turned it off.
Tierce: You should be more careful with these things; you could have been seriously hurt. Good thing I was here.
Me: Uh, yeah, sure.
Tierce: So, now what are we doing? How about a walk to celebrate my victory?
Me: No, I still want to vacuum the stairs and the bedroom.