The Shiba Fitness Plan

I don’t have willpower for a lot of things. Chocolate is not something you can leave in the house and expect to get back. I should be in bed instead of noodling around on the Internet. I don’t exercise as much as I did or as I should.

However, I’ve been lately getting a lot more cardio than a few weeks previously.

It’s all the damn dog’s fault. We don’t let him out in the yard because he will dig, spread the landlord’s recycling all over the yard and destroy just about anything else that happens to be there. We can’t keep him on a cable tie because he absolutely refuses to poop so close to the house. That leaves the lead.

Case in point: a couple of hours earlier this evening.

Me: Type, type, type, click, click, click

Tierce: whine

Me: Type, click, click, type, click, type

Tierce: Whine

Me: “I’ll take you out in a bit.” Type, click, click, click, type, type

Tierce: WAIL OOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo

Me: whine

We get the Flexi and head out to the little kiddie playground a few doors down. Right behind it is a small space that is full of underbrush, ideal for a dog to pee on and poop in. Also, the playground sports a garbage can convenient for the poop-scooper minded.

Tierce: PeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeokayI’mdone.

Me: Walk three steps.

Tierce: PeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeokayI’mdoneforrealnow- hey, what’s that smell? Is that the Poodle from down the street? Better let him know I’m still here. Peeeeee.

Me: You done?

Tierce: I am now discovering other important posts upon which I would like to send a message.

Me: No. You’re coming on to the brushy side so you can do your major business.

Tierce. No! I wanna… well alright, fine. Let’s go over here!

Me: No. It’s full of blackberry thorns.

Tierce: Nooooo! It’s full of RABBITS!

Me: I don’t care if it’s full of winning lottery tickets and Hugh Laurie. You’re not going anywhere near that.

Tierce: Fine! I’ll go sniff over here.

Me: Better be preparing for your imminent poop.

Tierce: So you say.

Me: Are you going to go?

Tierce: Eventually. Not here.

Me (striding down the hedgerow): How about here. You went here before.

Tierce: That was before.

Me: Before what?

Tierce: Before you didn’t let me eat the rabbit poop right over there.

Me: No rabbit poop.

Tierce: No Shiba poop.

Me: No more walk.

Tierce: You’re just waiting for me to poop so we can go in! Don’t bullshit me about no more walks, or shall we play chase the Shiba around the yard?

Me: JUST GO.

Tierce: You’re a bitch.

Me: Right back atcha.

Tierce: I’m not a bitch. I’ve got balls.

Me: I’ve got the vet’s phone number.

Tierce: poops

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The Misanthropic Shiba

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