Me: Hey, look, Tierce. I got my Groomy Pet On The Desk Shiba today. Isn’t it cute?
Me: Awww! How could woo wot wuv him?
Tierce: Look, is this a toy for me to destroy? Because otherwise I’m not interested.
Me: Oh wook at twa wittow puppy.
Tierce: Not impressed. Not. In. The. Slightest.
Me: Mischa and I have discussed it and we’ve decided that since you’re not a cute puppy anymore, the Groomy is going to replace you.
Tierce: You see this? This is the face of a dog who’s going to trip you down the stairs one day.
Me: Yeah, we figured that now that the new dog is here…
Tierce: It’s not a dog. It’s a toy. How much did you waste importing it from Japan, anyway?
Me: …we’ll just tie you out in the yard most of the time…
Tierce: You are pissing me off. Get this thing off my head.
Me: …throw you scraps of food…when we remember, of course…
Tierce: Take this fucking thing off my head or I’m going to spread its stuffing all over the floor before I “accidentally” leave my Kong out in the path leading to the toilet.