The Misanthropic Shiba

Me:  Hey, Mischa, look.  A new study says that dogs cause three family arguments every week.

Mischa:  The only argument we have is whether we’re kicking the dog enough.

Me:  We don’t kick the dog.

Mischa:  That’s what I mean; we’re just not kicking him enough.

Tierce:  Am I allowed to weigh in here on the whole dog-kicking thing?

Me:  Well, zero is technically a score that could be improved on- wait.  We’re not kicking the dog just to confirm your theory.

Tierce:  IX-NAY ON-WAY UH-THEY OG-DAY ICKING-KAY.

Mischa:  Is this one of the things that other people argue about regarding their dogs?

Me:  No.  Wait, there’s a top 20 list.  Hmm. Oh, here’s number 6.  ”Being too harsh on the dog.”  That would apply.

Tierce:  Does the article make any definitive statements concerning recommendations against kicking dogs?

Me:  Nope, actually they recommend it.  It’s a perfect training tool, they say.

Tierce:  That’s a lie!  Let me see that!

Me:  Okay, it actually doesn’t say anything about animal abuse.  But I’m sure that I could find a place on the Internet where puppy-booting is an approved and even a religious practice.

Tierce:  You can find any kind of bullshit on the Net if you look long enough.  Look at this piece of crap from ScienceDaily where they talk about a study saying dogs read humans’ intentions?  Why the hell would I pay attention to a video of some asshole pointing at a dogdamned pot?  Speaking of crap, I need to take a walk.

Mischa:  Hon, do you mind taking him out this time?

Me:  That’s number 2.

Tierce:  Exactly.

Me:  No, that’s number 2 on the list.  Who should walk the dog.  Big arguments there.

Mischa:  Well, what’s number 1?

Me:  What to do with the dog during a vacation.

Mischa:  We mostly take him with us.

Tierce:  Let’s take a vacation right now!  Outside.  Where I can, you know, argue number 2?

Me:  And number 3 is whether the dog should be allowed on the beds.

Tierce:  Good luck arguing that one.  I’ll be plastered miserably to the door if anyone needs me.

Mischa:  We don’t seem to argue a lot about the dog.

Me:  No, doesn’t seem like it.

Mischa:  Well, you did get on me about feeding him at the table.

Me:  That’s number 10.

Mischa:  Mostly, though, we’re okay.

Me:  Yeah.  Anyway, I’ve got to get to work on this blog post.

Mischa:  Before you do, can you take the puppy out?  I’m kind of tired.

Me:  Dammit, I really need to get this done!

Mischa:  Just this one time?  After all, he’s YOUR dog.

Me:  Number 14!  You’re the one who spoils him.  That’s number 17!

Mischa:  That says humanising.  I don’t spoil him!

Me:  Close enough!

Tierce:  Are you two having a fight?