The Misanthropic Shiba

I’m totally not begging.  Really.  I’m just observing your eating habits.  It’s fascinating, the culinary behaviour of humans.  Just fascinating.  If you don’t mind, what is the origin of that cheese-covered bread crust peeping at me from the upper left quadrant of your plate?  I’m just curious.  I’m a big fan of cheese, by the way.  It’s kind of, like, a life calling for me.  But don’t mind me; by all means continue with your meal.  I’m just an impartial observer.  How does it taste?  I’ve always said that you were an excellent cook; other people might not share that opinion, but I know it as fact. I’m just wondering, as a matter of detached interest, are you planning to eat that aforementioned crust of bread?  I’m just curious, because if you weren’t going to eat it, I could be prevailed upon to ensure that it doesn’t go to waste.  Humans are so wasteful.  Oh, I don’t mean you… you’re different.  You wouldn’t just throw out a perfectly nourishing 5 cheese bread dripping with paillot de chevre if there was a hungry mouth that would be grateful even for the tiniest crumb.

I’ve always said that you were the best person ever.