Tierce: What are you so happy about?
Me: I found some cousins. Connected with them on Facebook.
Tierce: What’s so great about that? Everyone knows who their cousins are. It’s in their pedigree.
Me: It doesn’t quite work that way, Tierce. Humans don’t always know if someone’s related to them.
Tierce: Sure they do. Just look in the OFA database. My cousins are in there.
Me: A) Humans aren’t listed in the OFA database. B) Not every dog and not every relative of yours is listed in the OFA database.
Tierce: Then look at your pedigree. When did I become a service dog? It’s like I have to guide you through this.
Me: Look. People aren’t listed by pedigree in Canadian records. You can find out more about your relatives by researching your geneaology, but it’s not usually just sitting there unless someone’s into that kind of thing.
Tierce: I thought you have registration papers. What’s that?
Me: My birth certificate.
Tierce: Looks official. What breed are you, anyway?
Tierce: You have papers, shouldn’t you have some kind of name that tells someone what you do?
Me: I’m a dog daycare worker, but that’s not all I am.
Tierce: What were you bred for?
Me: Nothing, really. My mom decided to have a baby, I guess.
Tierce: Was she tested clear of anything? How about your sire?
Me: Uh… not that I recall.
Tierce: Where did she get you?
Me: You mean have me? Vancouver Children’s Hospital.
Tierce: So you have a fake registration, your parents weren’t tested clear of anything and they got you at some store. Wow.
Me: No! It’s not like that!
Tierce: Look, I’m not judging your worthiness as a human or whatever it is you call yourself. I’m just saying it’s good that you’ve never decided to have pups.
Tierce: Whatever. Why did you decide that, by the way?
Me: The knowledge that I would have conversations like these somewhere down the line.