This is one of the many reasons why you should vote for Tierce in the Fido Casting Call contest. You can vote every day!
Tierce: What is this?
Me: Oh, just the latest Fido Casting Call blog post.
Tierce: It’s done.
Me: Don’t be so negative.
Tierce: I’m not being negative; it’s over.
Me: You see? You lose a few hundred spots and you get all pouty.
Tierce: No, I mean the contest is over.
Me: Maybe for you, but not for me.
Tierce: The. Fido. Casting. Call. Contest. Is. Over. As in ‘it’s finished’. As in ‘we’ll announce the winners soon’. As in ‘Thank Dog it’s over and you aren’t going to be dressing me up in an Elvis suit, just to have another excuse to post that Dogawful link everywhere.’
Me: Elvis suit… hmmm, good idea. I wonder where I could buy one of those. Too bad you didn’t mention this before the Halloween sales were over.
Tierce: Are you even listening to me?
Me: …then there’s Barry Manilow, but I don’t think anyone would recognize the costume…
Tierce: THE CONTEST IS OVER. MY FOOD DISH IS EMPTY. I COULD USE A TRIP TO THE DOG PARK. Any one of these basic facts can be the impetus for you to change your life, make it into something useful instead of into something pathetic.
Me: Do you think you could hold still if I buried you in those plastic playpen balls? Because that would be an awesome picture. People would certainly vote for you if they saw you like that.
Tierce: Kill me. I want to die. Life is not worth living any mo- hey, that’s smoked salmon. You never told me that you had smoked salmon. Why am I not having smoked salmon?
Me: Mischa’s dad brought it when he passed through on his way to Victoria. Hey, maybe we could take a picture of you with some sushi! That would be cute.
Tierce: You’re an idiot.
Tierce: I said, ‘you’re an idiot’.
Me: The contest is over! I just went to your page and it’s over!
Tierce: You know what? I give up. I try to tell you things and you never listen to me and I try and give you good advice and you never heed it. Why do I even bother talking to you?
Me: Oh, so you can dish it out, but you can’t take it.
Tierce: I can take things. I can be taken out for a walk, for example. Forget about the stupid contest; you didn’t even post about it regularly in November. Your subconscious obviously was working on you to stop while you still could. It’s over now and we can return to our happy lives.
Me: Well, there’s always other contests.
Tierce: Oh, Dog, no.
Me: Do you think we could find a Smurf costume that would fit you?
Tierce: Do you think the SPCA or animal shelter has room for me? Maybe you could just let me run loose in traffic. It would save us all a lot of pain and heartache.
Me: You know what would be really awesome and cute? A kimono! You’re not the right gender, but after we finish tying the obi, who would know?
Tierce: That’s it! I’m jumping the fence at the dog park and sneaking on board the next ferry to the Mainland. Hopefully a coyote will eat me before you subject me to these tortures.