Tierce: What are you doing?
Tierce: Why are you wasting your time with that? I can tell you everything you need to know.
Me: Because I want to know what goes into providing you with an optimal diet. You… you’re not really what I’d call a reliable resource.
Tierce: Sure I am. I already know what goes into an optimal diet. It starts with ‘ch’ and ends with ‘eese’.
Me: I beg to differ.
Tierce: I’ll beg for it, too. I have no pride.
Me: Then why don’t you like your bicycling harness?
Tierce: That’s not ‘pride’. That’s ‘dignity’. Also, there’s the fact that the straps sap my will to live and make cats hate me.
Me: Cats hated you before I even bought that harness. Anyway, this is going to give me some good basic information about what kind of nutrition you need. That way, I can make better decisions for you and become a better resource for my customers at work. I’d like to know what supplements would be good for you to take, for instance.
Tierce: I occasionally supplement with dried liver and anchovies.
Me: Not exactly.
Tierce: What? They’re great.
Me: Sure. They’re just not what you need for long-term health.
Tierce: I also supplement with other stuff.
Me: Sure you do.
Tierce: Cat poop! Full of protein, trace minerals…
Me: Ugh. No supplementing with cat poop.
Tierce: What are you, a hater? Against a natural diet?
Me: That’s not a natural diet, that’s disgusting.
Tierce: Of course it’s natural. I found it in the wild.
Me: You mean the side of the house?
Tierce: Yeah. It’s pretty wild there. The grass is really tall.
Me: You are not allowed there anymore.
Tierce: You’re all about feeding raw and natural and you can’t let me have a diet that would be natural for me if I was running free?
Me: Well, ‘natural’ isn’t always ‘better’.
Tierce: Then why do you feed me raw food?
Me: Because I believe that a properly formulated raw diet, supplemented appropriately, is a healthy choice.
Tierce: But you don’t let me supplement my diet as I see fit. That makes you a hypocrite.
Me: No, it makes me a little more cognizant of the physical and social consequences of certain dietary choices.
Tierce: But you still feed me kibble sometimes.
Me: I don’t think kibble is ‘bad’ or ‘evil’, just that it isn’t as good as fresh, whole food.
Tierce: And sometimes it’s just easier.
Tierce: So you’re lazy, too.
Me: Not lazy enough to stop working so I have an excuse to not pay for your food.
Tierce: Apparently laziness has a sliding scale.
Me: Keep talking. That sliding scale includes generic dog food.
Tierce: A Shiba has no honour at his own dog dish.