Allergy Panel

Tierce got his allergy panel back.  Apparently he’s really allergic to fleas.  He’s also mildly allergic to a mite called T. putrescentiae, black willow trees, dandelions, english plantain, goldenrod, a midge known as culicoides, and mayflies.

Mayflies?  Seriously?

And of course, our conversations go something like this:

Tierce: I have to go out.

Me:  Gotta pee?

Tierce:  Yeah, sure.

Me:  Fine, just don’t rub your face in the grass- stop it!

Tierce:  It feels so good, though!

Me:  You’re rubbing it right in the stuff that makes you itch!

Tierce:  You can’t know that.

Me:  Uh, this report that I spent about $350 on, says I do.

Tierce:  Nonsense.  I think they made it all up.

Me:  They didn’t make it all up- STOP EATING THE DANDELIONS.

Tierce:  But… they’re yellow.  I can see yellow.  It’s a universal sign for “Dogs should eat me”.

Me:  It is not!  Wait, if that’s true, then why don’t you like bananas?

Tierce:  They’re not the right shade of yellow.

Me:  Yeah, sure.

Tierce:  But this is!

Me:  No!  That’s goldenrod!  You’re allergic to that!

Tierce:  I’m sure that nothing will happen if I just bushwhack my way through this clump.

Me:  GET OUT OF THE GOLDENROD.

Tierce:  You and your superstitions.

Me:  This isn’t superstition or divination.  This is a report derived from scientific tests.

Tierce:  Look, they stole my blood.  Who knows what kind of witchcraft they engaged in.  It was probably a plot to make me itchy and you fell for it.  Idiot.

Me:  Look, I’m going to give you one more chance to get your ass out of the allergens and into the house.  Then I’m getting the hose.

Tierce:  Look at you, The Great Dictator.

Me:  TIIIIIIEEEEERRRRCCCE!

Tierce:  Fine, whatever.  But don’t think I’ll forget the day when you let the devil-worshippers cast itch-spells on me.

Me:  House.  You.  Now.

Tierce:  There you go, always ignoring the real issues.  I’m the one with the problems here.

Me:  Oh, I completely agree on that score.

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